Learnig To Live Like I'm Forgiven

Lately I've been struggling with my imperfection and God's forgiveness and grace. The guilt I feel because I don't think I'm a good mother. I always feel that there is more I need to give and if I don't my boys lives will be disastrous. I'm not a perfect person or mother and that is hard for me to admit sometimes. Anyway God has a way of speaking to me that lets me know that everything is going to be okay. We went to a new church on Sunday and the pastor spoke about worry. Why do we spend so much energy on the things we can't control? Those things need to be sent to God in prayer and then you won't worry so much when you truly believe He has those things under His control. Ah you find peace. I've been praying more lately during the day. Being more honest with God about my hurts and fears. Going to my happy place and saying out loud a lot, " I choose joy!" I wonder if my kids think I'm crazy? But they do have a mom that is a little more patient now. So God sent me the message at church but I was still struggling. I have a devotional book that is title When God Thinks of you...He Smiles, that I read a page in once a week. This week He sent me this prayer, and it was exactly what I needed.

The Sea Remains the Sea

Dear Lord, today I thought of the words of Vincent Van Gogh, "It is true that there is an ebb and flow, but the sea remains the sea." You are the sea. Although I may experience many ups and downs in my emotions and often feel great shifts in my inner life, you remain the same... There are days of sadness and days of joy; there are feelings of guilt and feelings of gratitude; there are moments of failure and moments of success; but all of them are embraced by your unwavering love.

My only real temptation is to doubt your love...to remove myself from the healing radiance of your love. To do these things is to move into the darness of despair.

O Lord, sea of love and goodness, let me not fear too much the storms and winds of my daily life, and let me know that there is ebb and flow...but that the sea remains the sea.

Amen

Henri J. M. Nouwen

I really needed this. It is teaching me to live in God's grace. Change takes time and He is a patient God. He knows I'm not perfect and that I'm working to change the things I need to change in my life. God is faithfully right here beside me. So I'm learning to worry less and trust God more.